She is my sister, my partner in crime.
I can’t imagine what my life could have been if she was not with me, or I was not with her, or if we were not with each other. It could have been different, yes. But it will never be better. And she was and is and will be just there. My sister.
She inspired me to work and always strive for more, for excellence. Well, I really have to do that as well. Again, for me, and more so – for her. I know I never mentioned this to her, or maybe I did but just forgot, that I had never wanted her to experience the exact same difficult times when I was still in school – especially when I was in college. When I was growing up. I never wanted that for her. It was just, well, plain not nice. There were so many struggles, and I wanted and want life to be good for her, if not a bit better or better from what I had before.
I can vividly remember one time that I saw her sitting among the grasses just outside my aunt’s house. She was crying her heart out while holding her arm. And there was blood oozing from a wound that she just had sported herself after she caught herself in the barbed wires that were actually surrounding the area. That was the first time that I really became afraid at the mere sight of blood. But I was still able to clean up her wound – while we sat there in the open.
She was trying to run away after being badly scolded. I hugged her, and cried with her, and I secretly promised myself that it will be the last time that we will be seen crying together. That I will make sure that our lives will be better – in the near future. That we will be better than what we were before – 2 lonely souls living within the realms and realities of their relatives. Who despite being, well, not so doing perfectly good in life themselves, were still there for us.
But still, yes, it was hard.
She did not enjoy much of her school life, I know, as she was always being – let us just say – ‘compared’ to me. Or maybe, she was really getting tired of hearing from our former teachers ‘your sister was also with us before..’ She even told me once, or twice, that she was tired of living through my shadows. And I know I told her perfectly well that she wasn’t. That she was actually living her own life. And stop caring so much about what others were saying about the two of us. That again, we were just two girls living, and maybe not really existing, in this world. And I know that she knows that she really did not have much of a choice but to attend the same school that I attended because they were the ones that we can afford. Descent schools.
That I tried getting her to be with me outside our city, became her trainer, and scolded and made her cry in front of her co-trainees – I don’t know. I didn’t know what I was doing. That I forgot that my presence alone was already making her weak. She wanted to prove to me that she is actually good, that she is better. That it felt like being hit by a train when she told me that I was supposed to say sorry to her in public and scold her in private. That what I was actually doing before was the other way around. Well, I was her big sister, and I have believed and felt that I had the authority to discipline her.
But whether she believes me or not, I know she is great. She really actually is.
And prettier too. :p (Now, I am writing this, so I might as well say that I lack ‘ugliness’!)
Now, my sister is already 24 years old. And being the elder sister that I am, I am still seeing her as the same 9-year old who got herself scarred from the rusted barbed wires.
She is all grown up now, and is capable and able to say ‘Thanks Ate for making me who I am now. And don’t worry so much about me, you raised me well.’
She made me cry tonight while I was trying to answer as much queries from my other DHL Colleagues around the world. That she told me she is more than sure that I will be a good wife and a good mother to my own family in the near future because I was like that with her – well, in the not so distant past.
It is great to know and to have Divine and Owen and EJ as our siblings. That our parents blessed us with them. It is the best feeling ever to know that we have a family to go back to – that they will forever be our home. And that we will forever be their protectors, their Ate’s.
But having Angeline – well, is like having an ‘angel’ with you always. An angel who is ready to fight any battles with you. We have been there. We’ve done everything. We experienced this. We will still do.
But, she, will forever be, my little sister. And I love her so.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011