Tension Migraine. Yesterday. Again. After 8 long years.
The Psychologist told me to start doing the thing that I most love to keep my mind away from my worries.
My Armand told me the same, to write, to keep my mind away from worrying too much.
Today I decided to list down the things that worries me:
(In no particular order)
1. I worry so much about the future.
2. I worry about my Grandmother “Lola” Cion in the Philippines.
3. I worry about my Sister. I worry that she will give up one of these days. I pray more strenght for her.
4. I worry about my Mother. I pray that she will be better and stronger as my younger sister is dependent on her. I pray that she be a better mother.
5. I worry so much about the future. I don’t understand why.
6. I worry about my baby. I worry that something might befall her. Yet I know she is perfectly safe and loved.
7. I worry about my husband. I worry that like Zoë, he might not be as ok tomorrow as he is today. He just told me this morning that there is nothing to be worry about. That our family is as healthy and as blessed. Still, I worry.
8. I worry about not being able to go to work if I feel ill. I worry that I might lose my job. My supervisor just told me last week that I am performing well, and there is nothing to worry about. Still.
9. I worry that we will not have enough money to pay our bills and meet our demands. I know I shouldn’t, as again, there is nothing to worry about.
10. I worry that it will not snow on Christmas Day. I want my Zoë to experience her very first White Christmas on her first year of life. It was almost always snowing now. Still I worry about the weather.
11. I worry about my sister EJ. I really do not want her to experience the same hardships I/we had before when we were growing up.
12. I worry about my sister Divine. I see her everyday on Facebook and I know that just like her Ate’s she is a real fighter. And I am happy to see that she is. I pray for a very bright future for her.
13. I worry about my brother Nur Owen. I hope and I pray that he continues to realize that the people surrounding him loves him and only wants the best for him. I wish that he will always listen.
14. I worry about the sisters of my mother. I pray that they overcome all their tests and trials even without me being able to help them anymore. I pray for their strenght and peace of mind and heart.
15. I worry about my cousins who are not as fortunate as some of us to do good and be good in life. I pray that they come to realize soon that life is how we make it. Their choices will determine their future.
16. I worry about the good friends that I lost in Malaysia. I hurt them, they hurt me. Things happened, even to good people like us. I pray that someday soon we will make amends and be friends again.
17. I worry about friends turned enemies while I was journeying through life. I just want peace.
18. I worry that the world will soon end. Maybe not like what Nostradamus prophesized that it will be this year. Still I worry. I know, Earth is not well anymore.
19. I worry about my In-laws. I pray for their good health all the time. I thank them for loving our Zoë more than the world.
20. I worry that I am not getting enough rest that is why I am too stressed.
21. I worry that I am getting too much rest.
22. I worry about my customers. Especially concerns that our beyond my assistance.
23. I worry about my colleagues. I pray that they find real happiness, or that they will always be happy.
24. I worry about my house chores. I worry that if I don’t accomplish them the soonest, I will not be able to accomplish anything at all.
25. I worry about what to cook for dinner. God, even food worries me!
26. I worry about my migraine. I pray that my tension headache go away soon.
27. I worry about Amaya! The Philippine TV Series. I want to watch it the whole day and the whole night but my migraine would retort and kill me!
28. I worry that I might not be able to find another job if I will not be given a chance to continue working in the company I am working in right now.
29. I worry that other people feels and thinks wrongly about me. Though I know I really don’t care. I have learned that what they think about me is none of my business.
30. I worry that I think too much.
31. I worry that my broken pelvis will not heal soon, or will never heal at all. I am losing too much of my waking hours. I cannot accomplish as much as I think I will be able to.
32. I worry my Tita Pinky and Tito Dencio. I pray that after all what they did to my father’s siblings and my brother and sister and relatives they be given a brighter retirement. I pray that they be able to tour the world as they have always dreamed of.
33. I worry about my father’s siblings. I pray that they find themselves always in good hands and solve all their problems.
This are just some of the things that keeps my mind occupied. When thinking has become my past time.
But I worry too much.