My Own Pile of This. (Think Helen!)


I have been thinking the whole week now – or make that ‘months!’ – about writing, or typing, or blogging (if you even call this thing what I do “blogging”).

And always, I tell myself that I just do.not.have.the.time.

I would rather go to bed and snooze. Which I find so fulfilling especially after a day’s work. (work, oh work)

This past few days, however, I just find myself wide awake in the wee hours of the morning staring at the ceiling, or feeling the curled, black Simba by my feet fast sleep, or just listening to my husband’s slow breathing snores..

Sometimes I wish that Zoë would wake up crying and asks for me again, just because I wake up and I feel bored! (No, I did not just say that. I did not just say that. My Super Z will go on sleeping the whole night as always).

Anyway, I would find myself wide awake and thoughts would immediately start running through my mind. Maybe I am going crazy? Or crazier that I already am.

Or I just have so much to think about that my consciousness would just wake me up.

As I was thinking of writing, I found myself reading other women’s blogs. Boy, do they have the time to write? And really writing something that makes full sense and something that is worth reading.

How can they even still do this?

And how can they even still have the time to really lose weight?

Maybe I am just too hard on myself right now, nevertheless, I know, this is all my fault. (Nah, my friend said that these women have got bigger kids than we do).

Yeah, that would probably be it.  Of course it is!

I mean, my bloating belly and my blogless blog – is my fault.  I am so damn lazy!

I think too much.  I know what I am supposed to do.  But I don’t do it.  And yes, I still get 77% on my call evaluations!  Crap!

I procrastinate.  I do the same pile of sh*t (think Helen think! Shiloh?).  Or I just do not do anything at all.

  1. I have to lose weight.
  2. I have to write more.
  3. I have to read more.
  4. I have to feed my daughter and my husband healthier food.
  5. I have to clear my mind off worries.
  6. I have to start thinking of a better career plan in Europe.
  7. I have to start thinking of my First Year Anniversary gift to my husband!!

I go to bed and I tell myself and my husband that I would be reading.  And reading 1 page I will do.

Then I sleep.


See? This thing that I wrote now is only as good as one of those “Off to work” of “Just got off work” Facebook statuses.


The title is supposed to be “My Own Pile of Sh*t” but I have a daughter, so, well.

Just that.


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