I have so much in my thoughts.
How do you ever pay that feeling of indebtedness to somebody? To a family member? To a friend?
(That feeling that is not yours but of the other party).
Would you ever be able to pay it?
To afford it?
How would you know you are already paid?
You have already done so much. You are paid – or so you thought.
(Of course, you would always be grateful. That is granted).
But a shadow from the past comes back. And reminds you:
You are indebted. You have not paid.
Could you ever repay this? Back?
Why do we even have this kind of culture. Filipinos?
From whom did we get this? From the Spaniards?
They gave us a lot of things. Sold us to the Americans. And went back to their country.
(I love Spanish people, don’t worry. I love my Spanish friends.)
I am indebted to them.
(There I go again).
I hope this just stop. And let people be.
Just be happy that once, you were able to help.
You cannot please everybody.
That is the fact.
Utang na Loob – that never ending feeling of gratitude?
This is something that is keeping somebody from being completely happy with what that somebody has now.
Somebody’s own feeling of bondage.
Sad. It is sad. It is not fair.